Sunday, June 5, 2016

Pulp Alley Four Way, Smash and Grab in Cairo!

Hello Distinguished Viewer of All of Things Fine, yet Miniatures,

I have an exciting report from a thrilling four player adventure of "Pulp Alley, the Pulp Miniatures Game".  The game was run by our master Dave (Lord Dain on Pulp Alley Forum).

It's a "Smash and Grab" scenario in the back streets of Cairo! 

First league up is the Phantom Menace League. 

Phantom Menace, Mr. Hooks, Harvey Rabbit, Slick, Dr. Naughty, and H. McDonald.
 A pre-game roll gave the Phantom another follower, Undercover Dick.

Here's most of the evil Servants of the King League.  They are a rather nasty group of characters.

The King, the King's alternate self, a mummy, a maniac, and a Mi-go
 The dastardly politically incorrect Napoleon Pox Gang.  
A thug whose name I don't recall, the villainous Napoleon Pox, Martial Arts expert Hung Down Low, and another thug.  Behind them are two Pygmy allies.

And we must not forget the Rick O'Connell and Evie League.

some doddering old fool of a Doctor, the sickeningly dashing Rick, the beautiful Evie, Herr Gunter and another mindless gun-toting heroic brute whose name I can't remember.

 Here's the scene:  The leagues have all deployed, the five objectives (plot points) are marked with red token; the major one is in the center of the board.

Two of them are in perilous terrain.  One is protected by mean nasty pigs.

Another by vicious dogs.

 Rick O' Connell's team is forced to move first and advances towards the main objective.

The Phantom Menace's team begins to advance.  They shoot at Rick's girl Evie.  Evie shoots back and makes Undercover Dick, the first casualty.

The Servants of the King pour down the stairs in an orderly fashion.

Why is there a D4 is this scene?
Pox's allies sneak up and.....

....blast them with a powerful machine gun burst!!!

the mysterious D4 survives the burst, why is it there?
 The servant's Guardian is down in the burst.  

This is the last appearance of the devilish D4.

The whole entire Phantom Menace gang fires warning shots at Evie.  That girl is impossible to shoot.

 Meanwhile Pox's gang advances towards an objective.

Hah! the Mummy has survived the machine gun and charged the Pox thug.

Ouch, silly dead thug, you never shoot at Mummies.

Rick O'Connell gets up to the primary objective/plot point.

He only needs to pass three die rolls to take it!

Meanwhile, Pox has stolen a minor objective.  I'm starting not to like this guy.

Phantom's man, McDonald has decided chase the objective on the roof of the block house.  He shouts in distress, "Belaoguh wee-oooogah blimmmmaaa faertwahter!"

The unstoppable Evie has joined the ineffectual Rick O'Connell and together they fail at uncovering the major objective.

The King has transformed into a hideous beast.  That's bad news for Rick's ally Herr Gunter.

Phantom's Dr. Naughty rushes into the dog/gnome park and fails to get through, like McDonald.
"McDonald, you gibbering idiot, you didn't say there were garden gnomes in this perilous garden filled with bad dogs!"

One of Pox's pygmies is attacked by the King's Mi-go.

Oh dear, Pox's Hung Down Low has jumped in feet first to attack the Mummy.

Rick and Evie were just wasting the day dilly dallying around with the major objective, so The Phantom Menace decides to take it for himself...BWAH, HA, HA, Ha!

Oh dear again, the monstrous King has advanced up to Rick's allies.

Herr Gunter escapes, but the good Doctor is smashed down like a house of cards.

Hung right before he kicks in the Mummy's desiccated teeth.....

... and karate chops his way into the Mi-go, just like he's karate chopped his way into all our hearts; you go Hung Down Low!

It's a party now, the King's Guardian beast has joined the fray.

Swing your partner round and round....this bizarre square dance will continue the rest of the game.

Excellent news, Dr. Naughty has made it to an objective, but Sobabanitch! The miscreant Napoleon Pox has reached the roof as well.

Go away bad Napoleon, go away!  Leave Dr. Naughy alone.

The evilest of all Napoleons has struck down the good Dr. Naughty.  You heinous Villain!

Pox and the King's troops continue to dosey doe themselves into a big gross sweaty mess.

McDonald yells something incoherent and pointless as he positions himself between the rest of the Phantom gang and any potential pursuers.  Old McDonald, he's so very loyal and so very stupid.

Ok, this has turned into a dance-a-thon.  This last dancer standing is going to win a new car.

"Did I hear new carrrrrrr?..", moans the Mummy as he joins the fray.

Herr Gunter has run like a coward (Phantom Menace should hire this guy) so the King in Yellow turns on the impenetrable Evie.  Good luck Kingy Poo, I've been shooting everything I had, for two straight games at this bint, with zero luck!

Instead of attacking the ugly King, who is attacking his girlfriend, Rick has decided to play the part of the bully and attacks the bittering useless fool McDonald. 

The Mi-go and the pygmy are not going to win the endless fight dance.  We're down to the Mummy, disgusting Guardian and Kung Fu hero Hung.

Hung finally succumbs to four or five turns of combat and the ugly couple win the new car.

Did I hear failure?  Herr Gunter seizes this chance to make a name for himself and rushes into the pig sty!  "No one shall fail failier than me"

In glorious fashion, Gunter fails the easiest of peril tests and feeds the pigs, "Komme, meine kliene schwiene, kommen essen bei Herr Gunter's die Golden Corral buffet"

Oh yes, lets see, that awful man Napoleon Pox having snuffed the poor goodly Dr. Naughty, has thrown his attention towards the minor plot point.

Which he takes.  Cretin! a congenital thyroid deficiency pox upon you Napoleon Pox!

Luckily  for the fleeing Phantom Menace, there are still three un-claimed objectives.  He has a major and must simply outlast the game for a win.

"Bwah, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!  Fools! turns six has come and gone and my continual cowardly diligence has won the day!, and the game."
"Hey Phantom boss Sir, I heard a couple ugly chicks won a new car."

 Till we meet again, Rick and large arm yellow King person!

Love and Kisses,


  1. Absolutely wonderful and brought a smile to my face - even the mysterious D4!

  2. That was a really fun looking game with a neat mix of leagues.

  3. Wacky! Very wacky. Fun read, though!

  4. Very entertaining read, so much so that I found myself chuckling out loud at times! This must have been a great game to take part in and the terrain, figures etc. make it more so.

  5. That looked like lots of fun! THANKS for sharing. :D

    Pulp Alley

  6. great pics and good story loved it well done will steal the pigs good idea

  7. Real nice looking set up, the scenery is spot on

  8. Another cool game with great looking figures and terrain, James! Again, your terrain work is most impressive.